I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
