Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
