I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
