Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
