Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
