Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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