I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
