i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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