You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize