youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
