so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
