There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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