Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
