he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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