please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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