Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
