We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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