I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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