i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
