I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
