I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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