She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
