Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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