420 ftw
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
