these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
