You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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