My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
