first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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