Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
