it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
