So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
