I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
