Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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