people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
