Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
