you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize