i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
