I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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