I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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