Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize