His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
