I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize