I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
