whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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