We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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