I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize