guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
