Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize