I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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