yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
