I think my vagina is haunted
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
