sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Randomize
