I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
