Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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