This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's blow job season.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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