What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Randomize
