Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I wish I could teleport
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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