sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
