do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
