You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
