is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
