soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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