I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
