He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
