i just wanna soil my oats bro
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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