You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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