Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
