I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
