Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
